I’m in Panera, working on my final paper for my Leadership class, and I overhear from the table next to me, “A professor cannot mention intelligent design in the classroom without being ostracized and fired unless they have tenure.” Have they forgotten that we are in Kansas? Luckily, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has given us hope with informative yet inspiring pictographs:

Then a group of hotties wearing almost nothing sat down at a table across from me and I forgot what I was typing. I’m pretty sure they’re at least 18.

Categories: Entertainment, Kansas, Rant
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Six days ago, President Bush said Rumsfeld will stay for another two years. I got to admit, that’s pretty funny from someone that accuses others of “flip-flops” now that Donald Rumsfeld is being replaced by nominee Bob Gates. On a side note, Gates is a native of Wichita - graduated class of ‘61 from East High.

Five days ago, Bush’s Press Secretary said that Democrat control of the House “wouldn’t happen.” Wishful thinking, I suppose.

But last, I gotta admire the news and their ability to be inconsistent on something that should be cut and dry:

Fox News:

CNN:

I’ve been watching both news agencies since last night, and never once did they show the same numbers. Amusing.

Categories: Rant
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It’s nice to see that, here in Kansas, Kathleen Sebelius was re-elected. Even better, democrat Paul Morrison beat incumbent Phill Kline. Kline has long been on a religious crusade with a pretty dirty campaign. Shortly before the election, Kline announced that his medical-record subpoena campaign was paying off. This was then followed by O’Reilly claiming to have seen the medical records.

Overall, we Dems gained the House majority. Foley and DeLay’s seat both went to Democrats. As of right now, the Senate is tied at 49 seats, with two races still too close to call. On the bright side, both races have the Democrat challenger slightly in the lead. Both seats will need to go to Dems, otherwise any votes along party lines will be broken by Cheney (or Lieberman…lol).

Back in Wichita, the expected sore losers are being seen.

“Throughout the day we have witnessed the most obscene and wanton displays of voter supression and voter intimidation of election officials in the history of Sedgwick County elections,” said Nancey Harrington of the Sedgwick County Republican Party.

“Democratic poll workers have engaged in voter intimidation by demanding the personal information of voters and intimidation of elected officials,” continued the Republicans.

Poll workers monitoring the election are allowed to ask for the name and address of those voting in a gesture targeting fairness. In the crowded and noisy election hall of a upper-middle class district, the names and addresses weren’t always heard so they would ask the election official to repeat the information for their records. Nothing else is allowed to be said or done by the monitors. But people called to the county and complained that, “someone was recording my personal information!” Instead of telling the callers that this is allowed, Republican officials in the county jumped on the chance to raise hell.

Karma can be sweet.

Categories: Rant
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Former Representative Mark Foley never harmed anyone. He was minding his own business as the typical pedophile Republican congressman, when out of left field he was blamed for being a pedophile! This timing can’t be a coincidence. It was those hateful Democrats’ fault, playing dirty shortly before the elections. Thankfully, Foley was able to rebound after blaming his behavior on a combination of alcohol and being gay. Everyone knows that alcohol and gays can produce a lethal cocktail responsible for pedophilism, beastiality, terrible Star Trek fan fiction with grammatical errors, hope and optimism amongst the elderly, and the Iraq war.

Now there’s Rep. Curt Weldon, whose daughter’s offices were raided just because the congressman may have given his daughter lobbying contracts worth $1 million. Weldon denied the action, but was quick to point out that he would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for the election being 3 weeks away. He also successefully blamed alcohol and gays for his actions.

On top of this is the argument: which president gave North Korea nukes? Clinton says that it was Bush because N. Korea’s test happened during Bush’s presidency. Bush says it was Clinton so that N. Korea would test the nuke before the midterm election. Bush is quick to point out that, if it he did do it, alcohol and some degree of queering was involved.


Well, enough finger-pointing at the poor, defenseless Republicans! I’ve got a story that’s going to stop any momentum the Democrats have attained from their honesty and integrity. Big Nose George was an innocent citizen of Wyoming, minding his business and doing nothing wrong. After a botched train robbery in which a train employee was killed, Big Nose George was executed via impromtu hanging. The medical examiner was none other than John E Osborne, who later become the 1st democrat governor of Wyoming (1893-1895). J.E. Osborne had Big Nose George’s hide made into a medical bag and shoes! That’s right, a democrat wearing someone’s skin like something out of a scary movie, possibly starring Jodie Foster and Anthony Hopkins. And he has no excuse: Osborne never - not even once - admitted to having an alcohol and gay sex problem. Take that!

Sincerely,
- The “Moral” Majority.

Categories: Rant
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Attorney General Phill Kline is going up for re-election in November against Paul Morrison. In a state shaded a deep hue of red, it’s uplifting to see that Morrison has a chance. His recent ads, mentioning Kline’s witch hunt for medical records of patients who had abortions, seem to be especially hard-hitting. On top of this, Kline dug himself deeper when his memo detailing his attack plan for the final months to the election was leaked to the media. The memo mostly discussed exploiting churchs so as to gain money. Some points I thought were amusing:

“Attempt to get the pastor to mention”
“Attempt to have reception as close to service time and as close to church as geographically possible… If out before 12 noon, make starting time before that time.”
“Get the pastor to invite 5 ‘money people’ who he knows can help. As much as possible get the pastor’s commitment to attend and to get these 5 people there.”
“Goal is to walk away with contact information, money and volunteers and a committee in each church.”
“Push freestatemedia, etc.”
“Get me out. I should not be the last of our campaign to leave an event. Usually we end with a plea for help. Someone from the campaign should stand up and say that they will remain to pick up pledge sheets, etc. someone should be assigned to get me out the door. I am spending too long at these events.” (Get the money and run, eh?)
“Work with Bob to try not to leave gaps in the schedule. If there is a gap — get me to a quiet place so I can make phone calls or write; feed me Slimfast.”
“Please try to get literature into every one’s hands. Check and work with pastor to see what is comfortable. In most instances we should be able to place materials under the windshield of cars. An invite and palm card? Can set up volunteers at or near exit of church to give out yard signs. We must heighten our profile as much as reasonably possible.”

In the end, I usually end up voting, regardless of political party, for the person that appears most likely to have a portion of his or her soul remaining, much like voting for the lesser of possible evils. In a state whose elected officials routinely and reliably become the icons of idiots everywhere - and an attorney general that supports them - the divide between the two evils is as large as ever.

As a post script, note the freestatemedia comment as an amusing mis-nomer. The “media” is typical sophomoric political bashing of the opposing political party, void of any author names and filled with 404 errors. They also have a funny video (25M) of Kline speaking to the background of angels singing.

Categories: Kansas, Rant
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A local news report detailed how some residents of Derby, Kansas are upset with their high school yearbook, which included articles on student pregnancy, body piercings, and controversial quotes such as, “The best study habit is to find someone nerdy and make friends with them. It’s a guaranteed A.”

A concerned parent said, “I want to see something good portrayed to our youth because they are at a critical decision making age in their life.” The rest of the news story goes on to say there’s a parent petition going on, which is going to amount to squat due to the Kansas Student Publications Act - the act protects the free speech of student publications.

I’ve never been able to shake the image of Derby as a “white flight” suburb of Wichita. I remember when I first moved to Kansas seeing a news story about a cross-burning on someone’s lawn in Derby. I thought I left hate-crimes behind in Indiana. Anyway, my white flight perception of Derby is supported with demographic data:

Wichita median household income: $39,939
Wichita racial makeup: 75.20% white
Derby median household income: $58,508
Derby racial makeup: 94.02% white

Note I’m not anti-suburbia in any way - cities will always expand - but in the mostly white, upper-middle class suburb it appears as though some parents felt the town would be a safer, more wholesome environment to raise a family. They hoped none of Wichita’s teen pregnancies, teen body piercings, and nerd-friendship would corrupt the minds of those “at a critical decision making age in their life.” I think this goes to show that, no matter where you choose to live, reality can’t be avoided.

Categories: Kansas, Rant
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